Checking into the hospital at 7pm October 16, 2916 we didn't realize just how much our life was about to change but boy oh boy were we ready for this next adventure in life! We decided we wanted to have just Levi and I in the delivery room and no extra family.
After filling out paperwork and getting change they got me all hooked up to the monitors and inserted the little tab to make me have contractions and left us to hang out and watch tv. The nurses kept saying to get comfortable and that our little guy would be here most likely Monday afternoon. All I could think was "Heck no I'm not going to be in labor that long!" But being that I was only dilated to a 1cm we didn't really know how long it would take. We played some card games, watched tv and played on our phones all while having contractions and them getting closer and worse as it got later and later.
By 1:50am my contractions were getting pretty close and not feeling all that amazing so they put some pain killers in my IV and got me ready to get my epidural at 2am. By the time I got the epidural I was still only dilated 3cm but in a lot less pain which was great, and let both Levi and I get some sleep, well as much as you can at a hospital when nurses are constantly coming in to check up on you.
5am comes around and I am dilated 8cm! YAY! Time to call the doctor in and have this baby! The doctor arrived and was surprised how early I was having the baby. He broke my water at 5:15am and thankfully after only a few pushes Krew Mekhai Collins was born October 17, 2016 at 5:27am weighing in at 8lbs measuring 21in long.
I was able to pull Krew right up onto my chest for about 30 minutes to have skin-on-skin contact while they got everything cleaned up. Afterwards they took Krew and cleaned him up all while Levi was keeping a good eye on our son. Levi got to be there with his first bath and kept a good eye on him while I was sleeping.
It's amazing the instant love that comes when you see that child and how quick you are to start worrying about them. I know you love and worry about your child while being pregnant with them but it seems to multiply 10 fold when they are born, especially coming into our world the way it is today. Not only did was there an instant love for our little boy but the love for my husband grew as well seeing him as a father and how much he loved our son and wouldn't leave his side!
We had a couple of grandparents from our church ward come visit us in the hospital to see the new addition to the family which was nice being that none of our blood family was able to be there. We tried to sleep as much as possible but between nurses coming in to check on me and the baby and then visitors that didn't really happen but that was okay! We got to go home Tuesday and then we got some real sleep! Thank heavens babies sleep most of the day when they are first born!
Wednesday, March 15, 2017
Pregnancy Rundown
Trying to do a little catch up, I'm way too far behind on my blog!
After 4 miscarriages, 2 surgeries, multiple hormone pills and shots, multiple fertility treatments and too many visits to my fertility specialist to count I finally got pregnant!!! Such a blessing! Levi and I couldn't have been happier with the news knowing we were going to finally get to start having children of our own. Levi found out for his birthday that I was pregnant and he couldn't wipe the smile off his face the rest of the night. We waited and told my in-laws over mothers day weekend with a couple of Levi's siblings there as well. Multiple tears between a handful of family members due to all the struggles we endured to get our little peanut!
1st TRIMESTER- I was on "bed rest" light duty really due to me working 2 jobs and not being able to stop working them. Giving myself a daily shot, going to the doctor weekly and taking it "easy" which wasn't very easy to do being one of my jobs was as a server didn't make for an exciting couple of weeks but it was well worth it. No morning sickness thankfully and no crazy cravings!
2nd TRIMESTER- I was able to go back to doing my regular work and we got to move my doctors appointments to once a month! No more daily shots! YAY! No cravings still! I loved feeling our little peanut moving around and Levi couldn't wait to feel him move. Being pregnant in the summer made for one very hot momma and I don't mean my looks hehe but it was well worth it, it also helped that both my jobs were indoors! Thank heavens for AC and our swamp cooler! Due to being high risk we got to find out the gender of our little guy early, the doctor wrote the gender on the back of the ultrasound picture and put it in an envelope which I immediately took to Krispy Kreme so we wouldn't peak to see until our gender reveal.Our gender reveal we got to do with my oldest sisters family which made it fun, we Krispy Kreme donuts with colored filling. We were so excited to find out the gender. It's a...BOY!!! The heat of the summer and being pregnant made the summer and second trimester seem to go very slow but it worked out to our advantage so we were able to get the nursery all prepped and ready to go before Levi had to go back to school.
3rd TRIMESTER- I got really bad sciatic nerve pain due having such an active little guy but boy did we love feeling him tick. Levi loved laying his head on my belly right before bed and would get our little guy so hyped up then roll over and go to bed, which in turn made me not sleep for a couple hours due to a kicking wide awake baby! Levi thought it was really funny! I don't think I really had any cravings but I sure loved maverick ice to help me cool off! Each doctors appointment our baby was so active the doctor would have to move him around by pushing on my stomach to get him in the right position for the ultrasounds. The baby loved when I would play oldies music he would kick like crazy as if he was dancing or something. We finally decided on a name but didn't want to tell anyone until he was born. Nursery was ready, clothes were washed, house was stocked, and everything was ready for our baby to arrive.
We decided to schedule me to be induced due to Levi's work schedule. I helped with our primary program and that night we checked into the hospital to have our little man!
After 4 miscarriages, 2 surgeries, multiple hormone pills and shots, multiple fertility treatments and too many visits to my fertility specialist to count I finally got pregnant!!! Such a blessing! Levi and I couldn't have been happier with the news knowing we were going to finally get to start having children of our own. Levi found out for his birthday that I was pregnant and he couldn't wipe the smile off his face the rest of the night. We waited and told my in-laws over mothers day weekend with a couple of Levi's siblings there as well. Multiple tears between a handful of family members due to all the struggles we endured to get our little peanut!
1st TRIMESTER- I was on "bed rest" light duty really due to me working 2 jobs and not being able to stop working them. Giving myself a daily shot, going to the doctor weekly and taking it "easy" which wasn't very easy to do being one of my jobs was as a server didn't make for an exciting couple of weeks but it was well worth it. No morning sickness thankfully and no crazy cravings!
2nd TRIMESTER- I was able to go back to doing my regular work and we got to move my doctors appointments to once a month! No more daily shots! YAY! No cravings still! I loved feeling our little peanut moving around and Levi couldn't wait to feel him move. Being pregnant in the summer made for one very hot momma and I don't mean my looks hehe but it was well worth it, it also helped that both my jobs were indoors! Thank heavens for AC and our swamp cooler! Due to being high risk we got to find out the gender of our little guy early, the doctor wrote the gender on the back of the ultrasound picture and put it in an envelope which I immediately took to Krispy Kreme so we wouldn't peak to see until our gender reveal.Our gender reveal we got to do with my oldest sisters family which made it fun, we Krispy Kreme donuts with colored filling. We were so excited to find out the gender. It's a...BOY!!! The heat of the summer and being pregnant made the summer and second trimester seem to go very slow but it worked out to our advantage so we were able to get the nursery all prepped and ready to go before Levi had to go back to school.
3rd TRIMESTER- I got really bad sciatic nerve pain due having such an active little guy but boy did we love feeling him tick. Levi loved laying his head on my belly right before bed and would get our little guy so hyped up then roll over and go to bed, which in turn made me not sleep for a couple hours due to a kicking wide awake baby! Levi thought it was really funny! I don't think I really had any cravings but I sure loved maverick ice to help me cool off! Each doctors appointment our baby was so active the doctor would have to move him around by pushing on my stomach to get him in the right position for the ultrasounds. The baby loved when I would play oldies music he would kick like crazy as if he was dancing or something. We finally decided on a name but didn't want to tell anyone until he was born. Nursery was ready, clothes were washed, house was stocked, and everything was ready for our baby to arrive.
We decided to schedule me to be induced due to Levi's work schedule. I helped with our primary program and that night we checked into the hospital to have our little man!
Friday, March 13, 2015
Life as a Collins
Well we have been married for what is it now 15.5 months now!
We made it past the first year!!! YAY!
Just like every other marriage out there we had our struggles I mean come on 8 days before getting married my dad passes away from stage 3 lung cancer, 5 months after that my best friend rolled his truck and died, that weekend we had our first miscarriage, 2 months later we have our second miscarriage and then 4 months later we had our third miscarriage. Life was not very easy that first year. But from what I hear it's always the hardest year, having to adjust to someone and all their habits you either like or don't like, getting a whole new family, living with someone that is most likely a lot different than you and does things opposite from how you like it done. Learning to compromise between what you both like to do and learning what buttons not to push. Learning how to be there for someone even if they say they are fine. All sorts of adjustments that first year brings.
I couldn't be more grateful for the wonderful family I married into, I have great in-laws and new sisters and brothers and some pretty adorable nieces and nephews if I do say so myself. I also got some amazing new cousins. Oh yeah and my husband is pretty great as well. It was super fun the first 9 months of marriage getting to live just across the street from my father and mother in-law and having cousins and siblings spread through out the neighboring towns. Each Sunday at family dinner was great, reminded me of getting together with all my family and visiting and playing games.
When I first got married I can honestly say I was really sad about giving up my last name, I use to tell my dad I was going to make my husband if I ever decided to get married that was, take my last name. I tried that with Levi and he didn't really like that idea. It's funny though cause every once in a while someone will call us the Teicherts and I can't help but tease him and say we should have taken my last name.
I just want to take a little moment and express how grateful I am to my husband for all he has done for me. Even with all the trials and struggles we have had and me being crazy emotional it stuck through it all with me and was by my side helping me as best as I would let him get through these things together. He has been very patient with me and all my emotional roller coaster rides we have been on. I'm so grateful for his loving, wonderful, accepting family that has taken me in and been so welcoming of me. I can't express enough my love for my own little family as well as for my new family I gained. I'm glad they love me for me and I wouldn't want a family that is any other way.
We made it past the first year!!! YAY!
Just like every other marriage out there we had our struggles I mean come on 8 days before getting married my dad passes away from stage 3 lung cancer, 5 months after that my best friend rolled his truck and died, that weekend we had our first miscarriage, 2 months later we have our second miscarriage and then 4 months later we had our third miscarriage. Life was not very easy that first year. But from what I hear it's always the hardest year, having to adjust to someone and all their habits you either like or don't like, getting a whole new family, living with someone that is most likely a lot different than you and does things opposite from how you like it done. Learning to compromise between what you both like to do and learning what buttons not to push. Learning how to be there for someone even if they say they are fine. All sorts of adjustments that first year brings.
I couldn't be more grateful for the wonderful family I married into, I have great in-laws and new sisters and brothers and some pretty adorable nieces and nephews if I do say so myself. I also got some amazing new cousins. Oh yeah and my husband is pretty great as well. It was super fun the first 9 months of marriage getting to live just across the street from my father and mother in-law and having cousins and siblings spread through out the neighboring towns. Each Sunday at family dinner was great, reminded me of getting together with all my family and visiting and playing games.
When I first got married I can honestly say I was really sad about giving up my last name, I use to tell my dad I was going to make my husband if I ever decided to get married that was, take my last name. I tried that with Levi and he didn't really like that idea. It's funny though cause every once in a while someone will call us the Teicherts and I can't help but tease him and say we should have taken my last name.
I just want to take a little moment and express how grateful I am to my husband for all he has done for me. Even with all the trials and struggles we have had and me being crazy emotional it stuck through it all with me and was by my side helping me as best as I would let him get through these things together. He has been very patient with me and all my emotional roller coaster rides we have been on. I'm so grateful for his loving, wonderful, accepting family that has taken me in and been so welcoming of me. I can't express enough my love for my own little family as well as for my new family I gained. I'm glad they love me for me and I wouldn't want a family that is any other way.
Way too many SURGERIES!!!
I have never really been a fan of doctors, not sure why I just don't like them. I very much dislike hospitals but maybe it has something to do with them not seeming like a happy place to me, I'm not sure. All I do know is that in the last year I have spent way too much time at hospitals for a woman who is only 23 years old.
August 2014 I ended up needed a 3-in-1 sinus surgery. I wasn't able to breath through my nose at all which was making me have a constant sore throat due to having a chronic sinus infection for over 8 months it was a necessity at this point. I also had a very bad deviated septum to the point it had blocked of one side of my nose due to a little boy from work head-butting my nose, it's a good thing he was a cute little guy. We tried in July but the hospital messed up so tests and had to have it post-poned to August. Recovery was not as nice as I would have liked it to be due to them having to stick splints up my nose that were longer and bigger around than my middle finger. After about 10 days of constantly throwing up and not being able to keep anything even water down we went back and the doctor took out the wonderful splints which definitely made my eyes water I was finally able to actually eat and drink and not throw it back up. Once the splints were removed recovery wasn't bad. The only thing was my nose was was sensitive and still is to this day a little bit.
January 2015 I went in to have surgery to make it so Levi and I could start a family of our own. This surgery was the most nerve wracking one for me. My sister told me a horror story of someone not being able to have kids after they had the same thing done which kind of freaked me out but I kept trying to be positive about it. Between me being freaked out and my husband loving to research everything we looked up tons of information about the surgery and definitely did I'm sure than our fair share of research for it. Surgery went great from what the doctor told me. He has very high hopes now that we will be able to have the family we have been wanting, or at least that we will be a lot less likely to be miscarrying as much as we were before, I mean there are always going to be the odds of miscarriage but the doctor helped us have faith. Recovery wasn't very fun for this surgery but luckily it wasn't a long recovery just a 2-3 week thing for me to heal up. I am extremely grateful it wasn't a longer recovery cause that would have made work miserable. Sitting up was hard for about the first 2 weeks and I would have to lay down a lot to give myself a little break but man I'm glad that's over.
February 2015 I had to have shoulder surgery to repair my labrum. After waiting 3 years from the first time I dislocated my shoulder it was definitely time to get it fixed. From the MRI pictures my labrum looked like frayed bailing twine or string. I guess after dislocating it so many times and between doing both swing dancing and volleyball all the time it had just ripped my labrum to shreds. If I would move my arm past a certain angle or over my head it would go completely numb. I had to teach myself how to serve and hit left handed and let me tell you that wasn't a very fun time and definitely was not very coordinated or pretty to watch. I tried the cortisone shot which helped with the pain but it never stopped the numbness or tingling feeling I would get when playing sports or even with my nieces and nephews. Finally after a year of Levi trying to talk me into getting surgery to get it fixed I went through with it. I was over the pain I had felt for the last 3 years. I wanted to be able to play volleyball and swing dance without coming home in pain wanting to bawl cause my shoulder hurt so bad. So I had surgery. The doctor and first seemed a little held back on doing the surgery, I think he thought I was being a baby but after surgery at my check up he had done a complete change in his attitude. He was shocked I went as long as I did with my labrum as bad as it was. Going into the surgery he told me I would be wearing a sling for 4-6 weeks and with it being my right shoulder and me being right handed I was hoping for the 4 weeks but when he told me how bad it was and that I had to be in the sling for 6 weeks I wanted to smack him. I agreed to do it though so my shoulder could heal properly. It's been a major struggle to wash my hair, do my hair, eat, and especially to sleep.
Even with how hard and not fun these surgeries have been I'm so glad I did each one of them. I am grateful that I was able to have it done. I got just a little taste of how it is to have a handicap and it made me really learn to love the little things and the big things like having a working body, being able to smell, having two arms that work. I'm beyond grateful for my wonderful cousin Olivia Teichert and the help she was in picking me up after both my surgeries this year and being so helpful with bringing dinner and helping me with my hair and what not. It wouldn't have been near as good without her help.
August 2014 I ended up needed a 3-in-1 sinus surgery. I wasn't able to breath through my nose at all which was making me have a constant sore throat due to having a chronic sinus infection for over 8 months it was a necessity at this point. I also had a very bad deviated septum to the point it had blocked of one side of my nose due to a little boy from work head-butting my nose, it's a good thing he was a cute little guy. We tried in July but the hospital messed up so tests and had to have it post-poned to August. Recovery was not as nice as I would have liked it to be due to them having to stick splints up my nose that were longer and bigger around than my middle finger. After about 10 days of constantly throwing up and not being able to keep anything even water down we went back and the doctor took out the wonderful splints which definitely made my eyes water I was finally able to actually eat and drink and not throw it back up. Once the splints were removed recovery wasn't bad. The only thing was my nose was was sensitive and still is to this day a little bit.
January 2015 I went in to have surgery to make it so Levi and I could start a family of our own. This surgery was the most nerve wracking one for me. My sister told me a horror story of someone not being able to have kids after they had the same thing done which kind of freaked me out but I kept trying to be positive about it. Between me being freaked out and my husband loving to research everything we looked up tons of information about the surgery and definitely did I'm sure than our fair share of research for it. Surgery went great from what the doctor told me. He has very high hopes now that we will be able to have the family we have been wanting, or at least that we will be a lot less likely to be miscarrying as much as we were before, I mean there are always going to be the odds of miscarriage but the doctor helped us have faith. Recovery wasn't very fun for this surgery but luckily it wasn't a long recovery just a 2-3 week thing for me to heal up. I am extremely grateful it wasn't a longer recovery cause that would have made work miserable. Sitting up was hard for about the first 2 weeks and I would have to lay down a lot to give myself a little break but man I'm glad that's over.
February 2015 I had to have shoulder surgery to repair my labrum. After waiting 3 years from the first time I dislocated my shoulder it was definitely time to get it fixed. From the MRI pictures my labrum looked like frayed bailing twine or string. I guess after dislocating it so many times and between doing both swing dancing and volleyball all the time it had just ripped my labrum to shreds. If I would move my arm past a certain angle or over my head it would go completely numb. I had to teach myself how to serve and hit left handed and let me tell you that wasn't a very fun time and definitely was not very coordinated or pretty to watch. I tried the cortisone shot which helped with the pain but it never stopped the numbness or tingling feeling I would get when playing sports or even with my nieces and nephews. Finally after a year of Levi trying to talk me into getting surgery to get it fixed I went through with it. I was over the pain I had felt for the last 3 years. I wanted to be able to play volleyball and swing dance without coming home in pain wanting to bawl cause my shoulder hurt so bad. So I had surgery. The doctor and first seemed a little held back on doing the surgery, I think he thought I was being a baby but after surgery at my check up he had done a complete change in his attitude. He was shocked I went as long as I did with my labrum as bad as it was. Going into the surgery he told me I would be wearing a sling for 4-6 weeks and with it being my right shoulder and me being right handed I was hoping for the 4 weeks but when he told me how bad it was and that I had to be in the sling for 6 weeks I wanted to smack him. I agreed to do it though so my shoulder could heal properly. It's been a major struggle to wash my hair, do my hair, eat, and especially to sleep.
Even with how hard and not fun these surgeries have been I'm so glad I did each one of them. I am grateful that I was able to have it done. I got just a little taste of how it is to have a handicap and it made me really learn to love the little things and the big things like having a working body, being able to smell, having two arms that work. I'm beyond grateful for my wonderful cousin Olivia Teichert and the help she was in picking me up after both my surgeries this year and being so helpful with bringing dinner and helping me with my hair and what not. It wouldn't have been near as good without her help.
Miscarriages Over and Over
As a continuation of my last post I still have so much I want to share with others and hopefully in some way help at least one person. I have had so much on my mind lately that for the last month I have constantly been getting this feeling I need to share with others to help them in whatever way it does or maybe it's to help me I'm not completely sure yet, I will know know until I share my thoughts and feelings.
Since Levi and I got married in November 2013 we decided that we were not going to prevent us from having a family, we did not feel that birth control or any of those other things were for us. We decided to go with the flow and if we got pregnant than we got pregnant but we were not going to hold off on starting our family. We were more than happy to let our family start growing whenever God wanted it to especially being that my dear husband Levi was going to be 30 in a few months ;) what an old man. Haha!
Over the course of our marriage we have been blessed to get pregnant 3 times but not so blessed by miscarrying each one, my body wouldn't seem to let me carry a baby past 10 weeks old. After the first miscarriage we decided to not tell anybody if I got pregnant until after 12 weeks in case of another miscarriage.
April 2014, June 2014, October 2014 are days I'll never forget. After our 3rd miscarriage we decided that it was time for me to get checked out. This was extremely hard for me to come to terms with. Knowing I had already carried a beautiful healthy baby boy to full term and placed him for adoption and now that I was trying for a family of my own I couldn't carry a baby was extremely heart breaking for me. One miscarriage is hard enough on you physically and emotionally but to have 3 of them in the same year my body was not in its natural state and neither were my emotions or mental state where they should have been. Once again I went through all the stages shock, denial, anger and acceptance and finally decided I needed to get check out so we could figure out what needed to be done. After multiple lab work tests, ultrasounds, and finally a sonohystergram we were able to finally find what was believed to be the cause of the miscarriages. After countless amounts of research on the procedure it was again on that it was the best option for us to be able to start a family of our own someday. Surgery was scheduled and all the prep was done to get me where I needed to be so Levi and I could start a family of our own.
With each miscarriage I felt more and more and more like a failure in my marriage and as a mother. I didn't understand why my body would keep rejecting this babies. I racked my brain trying to figure out why this was happening to Levi and I, and much to my dismay I still haven't been able to come up with a reason for it. We were going to church, fulfilling our callings and duties there, had a good marriage, or at least as good as it could be with it being our first year and losing dad and my best friend. We were loving and loyal to each other. I couldn't figure it out.
Then one day it hit me that I will never know the reason why each of those precious little babies weren't able to be carried full-term. All I can think of is what lesson each of those miscarriages was suppose to teach me, what I was suppose to pull away from the situation at hand, what I needed to learn so badly that I kept getting the same trial over and over again. So now instead of racking my brain to try and figure out why God kept taking away the people I loved so fiercely from me I decided to change my outlook and try to understand what he wants me to learn and do with these trials. Still to this day I am not completely sure I understand why or what these trials are teaching me or why they happened to us.
All I can tell you is this.
I know from experience how it feels having a miscarriage, having a hard time getting pregnant, going through the struggles to start your own family. I am here to help in anyway possible to all those out there struggling with miscarriages, infertility, endometriosis, PCOS and all the other hard things out there preventing you from starting your family. You have a family in all of us. We are here to support each other and learn from one another. I would never wish the struggles we have had on anybody else. Yes, sometimes I get mad or jealous when I'm walking in the store or at church or work and see pregnant ladies or people posting on Facebook announcing they are pregnant or what gender their baby is going to be, or even posting pictures of their newborns, but I can't help but be so excited for those ladies and couples at the same time. I am beyond grateful they don't have to go through the same struggles or if they did and are now pregnant I am so excited for them!
We need to have joy for those around us even if they are getting what we want and can't have at the time. We need to understand and trust in God's plan that he knows what he is doing and he is in control, this concept is super hard for me but I am slowly coming to terms with it. We have to trust that God's timing is what is best for us. We need to believe that God wouldn't put us through a trial if he knew we couldn't handle it. We need to believe there something good and amazing will happen after we conquer the trials at hand. But mostly we need to never give up!!! Life is hard, extremely hard some days but we need to keep smiling and working through the day and believing that there is good out there and that good will come when we are ready for it.
Losing a Best Friend...Shane Grove
As a continuation of my last post I still have so much I want to share with others and hopefully in some way help at least one person. I have had so much on my mind lately that for the last month I have constantly been getting this feeling I need to share with others to help them in whatever way it does or maybe it's to help me I'm not completely sure yet, I will know know until I share my thoughts and feelings.
Shane Grove has been my best and closest guy friend for a while. He grew up in Dubios WY and you would think we would have been better friends in high school since we played sports against each other but as it was we didn't know a lot about one another until college. I had dated a roommate of his for a couple months and Shane and I just got closer and closer and become best friends. I would run into him on campus all the time at first and just talk to him being polite since he was roommates with the guy I liked at the time but then when that relationship ended Shane and I still kept in touch. He would hit me up on Facebook or wait at a certain place on campus that he knew I would have to pass by just to see me. We then started hanging out more and talking more just to get closer and closer as friends at first. He became I man I trusted with everything in my life, there wasn't a thing he didn't know about me and even when I would try and hold something back that I didn't think he would want to know he always managed to get it out of me and still love me for who I had become and for everything I had gone through. Just like my dad he never seemed to doubt me, he always believed that I would do my best and that I could do anything I put my mind to. He was constantly reminding me how naturally beautiful I am and how there was nothing I needed to change about my body or my personality that I was perfect the way God made me. I don't know how many times I asked him if he and my father had been talking because dad use to always say the same thing. Some nights we would go out swing dancing and Shane wouldn't let me put make up on or wear my hair in anything other than my natural curls. He was constantly trying to boost my confidence in myself and slowly I started to believe the way he did.
Shane was always taking care of me. My freshman year I got Swine Flu and had it for about two weeks, it wiped out my immune system pretty bad so I seemed to get sick a lot easier than your average Joe. Over time Shane realized that I got sick easier than normal and was always there to take care of me. Between my chronic migraines and chronic sinus infection he doctored me up a lot using his essential oils, making me dinner, wrapping me up in blankets to sweat out the sickness, making me drink so much water and cranberry juice I felt like I was going to the bathroom every hour but I wouldn't trade those times and memories for anything. He knows how much I love swing dancing so he would constantly take me anywhere we could to dance, sometimes he would crank up his music while making me dinner and make me dance with him in the kitchen.
Shane helped me through some of the biggest trials in my life, placing my son for adoption and my dad getting diagnosed with cancer. He was always there asking me how I'm doing and really asking me like I knew he cared and wanted the real answer not the FINE or OKAY answer I gave to everyone else that would ask. He offered many times to take me home to see dad and the family. He was constantly impressing me with how much he loved and cared for me. He helped me watch my niece and nephew and he was so good with them. He was always doing something so I knew he cared and was there for me no matter what the trial or struggle was. He was a man I grew to love and cherish. Shane had such a good heart. I can still hear him calling me "little lady" all the time. Every time I watch wrestling I can see him sitting there perched up on his seating so into the match. I miss his hugs that were just like my dads, tight and loving.
Shane was constantly thinking of others. He gave me the dog I have now and I am so attached to her when she dies it will be extremely hard, she was my favorite gift from him. Little Becky is just as fun loving, caring and energetic as Shane was.
April 2014 I received a call saying Shane had rolled his truck and was DOA. I had talked to him minutes before his accident, none of it felt real! All those feelings I felt with dads death came rushing back, I couldn't breath, I couldn't function properly. Another major chunk of my heart had been torn out. I didn't know what I was going to do without him as my best friend constantly giving me advice and being there for me. Once again my mind would keep me up at night replaying all the times we spent together.
Cherish the time and moments you get with your loved ones, you never know when it will be your last. Take time to let them know how you really truly feel. Don't let things come between you without fixing them and making it right. Be grateful for the wonderful memories you made with them. Keep those in your mind always. Don't take for granite your loved ones, the ones that love and care about you. Please please cherish every little moment, even if they aren't the happiest of moments cherish them and remember them.
Shane Grove has been my best and closest guy friend for a while. He grew up in Dubios WY and you would think we would have been better friends in high school since we played sports against each other but as it was we didn't know a lot about one another until college. I had dated a roommate of his for a couple months and Shane and I just got closer and closer and become best friends. I would run into him on campus all the time at first and just talk to him being polite since he was roommates with the guy I liked at the time but then when that relationship ended Shane and I still kept in touch. He would hit me up on Facebook or wait at a certain place on campus that he knew I would have to pass by just to see me. We then started hanging out more and talking more just to get closer and closer as friends at first. He became I man I trusted with everything in my life, there wasn't a thing he didn't know about me and even when I would try and hold something back that I didn't think he would want to know he always managed to get it out of me and still love me for who I had become and for everything I had gone through. Just like my dad he never seemed to doubt me, he always believed that I would do my best and that I could do anything I put my mind to. He was constantly reminding me how naturally beautiful I am and how there was nothing I needed to change about my body or my personality that I was perfect the way God made me. I don't know how many times I asked him if he and my father had been talking because dad use to always say the same thing. Some nights we would go out swing dancing and Shane wouldn't let me put make up on or wear my hair in anything other than my natural curls. He was constantly trying to boost my confidence in myself and slowly I started to believe the way he did.
Shane was always taking care of me. My freshman year I got Swine Flu and had it for about two weeks, it wiped out my immune system pretty bad so I seemed to get sick a lot easier than your average Joe. Over time Shane realized that I got sick easier than normal and was always there to take care of me. Between my chronic migraines and chronic sinus infection he doctored me up a lot using his essential oils, making me dinner, wrapping me up in blankets to sweat out the sickness, making me drink so much water and cranberry juice I felt like I was going to the bathroom every hour but I wouldn't trade those times and memories for anything. He knows how much I love swing dancing so he would constantly take me anywhere we could to dance, sometimes he would crank up his music while making me dinner and make me dance with him in the kitchen.
Shane helped me through some of the biggest trials in my life, placing my son for adoption and my dad getting diagnosed with cancer. He was always there asking me how I'm doing and really asking me like I knew he cared and wanted the real answer not the FINE or OKAY answer I gave to everyone else that would ask. He offered many times to take me home to see dad and the family. He was constantly impressing me with how much he loved and cared for me. He helped me watch my niece and nephew and he was so good with them. He was always doing something so I knew he cared and was there for me no matter what the trial or struggle was. He was a man I grew to love and cherish. Shane had such a good heart. I can still hear him calling me "little lady" all the time. Every time I watch wrestling I can see him sitting there perched up on his seating so into the match. I miss his hugs that were just like my dads, tight and loving.
Shane was constantly thinking of others. He gave me the dog I have now and I am so attached to her when she dies it will be extremely hard, she was my favorite gift from him. Little Becky is just as fun loving, caring and energetic as Shane was.
April 2014 I received a call saying Shane had rolled his truck and was DOA. I had talked to him minutes before his accident, none of it felt real! All those feelings I felt with dads death came rushing back, I couldn't breath, I couldn't function properly. Another major chunk of my heart had been torn out. I didn't know what I was going to do without him as my best friend constantly giving me advice and being there for me. Once again my mind would keep me up at night replaying all the times we spent together.
Cherish the time and moments you get with your loved ones, you never know when it will be your last. Take time to let them know how you really truly feel. Don't let things come between you without fixing them and making it right. Be grateful for the wonderful memories you made with them. Keep those in your mind always. Don't take for granite your loved ones, the ones that love and care about you. Please please cherish every little moment, even if they aren't the happiest of moments cherish them and remember them.
Losing the Man who Raised Me.
As a continuation of my last post I still have so much I want to share with others and hopefully in some way help at least one person. have had so much on my mind lately that for the last month I have constantly getting this feeling I need to share with others to help them in whatever way it does or maybe it's to help me I'm not completely sure yet I will never know until I share my thoughts and feelings.
Losing loved ones is never easy, for me the last 2.5 years have been a major struggle with this. In June 2012 I placed my son for open adoption with a wonderful family in New Mexico. Placing him was hard enough but even more so knowing I wouldn't get to see him all the time. Thankfully they send me pictures and updates on him regularly. Then in November 2012 my world was turned upside down when just after getting home from Thanksgiving break I was informed that my dad had Stage 3 Lung Cancer. I went through the whole range of emotions, shock, denial, anger and acceptance but each stage was honestly terrible. My dad was the parent that knew everything about me, he could tell you my favorite things, my first boyfriend, the first boy to kiss me or take me on a date, he was always there supporting me and keeping me in line. Anytime I had a question it was to dad that I ran whether it was regarding boys, school, church, sports, or even all that wonderful female stuff. My dad was my rock! When I first got the message I instantly started bawling, I felt like someone had just dropped the empire state building on me, I couldn't breath, couldn't see, couldn't think, I was frozen. The doctors had given my dad a year to live. All I could think about was all the stories and advice he had given us. Night after night I would stay awake reliving everything my dad had ever said to us kids, thinking about all our fun trips together, him disciplining us always saying how it hurt him more than us and laughing thinking yeah right.
My mind was over flowing with memories made with him swimming at state wrestling, skiing with him, telling us stories about his life, watching him so faithfully take care of his dad, seeing the smile that would spread across his face each time a child that didn't live at home would take time out of their schedule to come visit and him always saying before we would leave how much he appreciated us coming to see him taking time to be a part of his posterity and what not. I remember all those Sunday afternoons playing outside on the basketball hoop, jump roping, eating chocolate pudding, and many others. I think of all our family reunions dad playing games like Sardines, Kick the Can, Hide and Seek and many others, I remember him standing around the fire talking to his posterity, his amazing dutch oven chicken. I think of how he always had one of the grandbabies on his lap or in his arms, watching him mow the lawn with the little ones even Ammon on his shoulders or helping push the mower until they feel asleep and then him just holding them while finishing up. I can't thank my dad enough for teaching me to work and love the outdoors. Every time spring/summer shows up I think of all the lawn work and gardening that dad was going to make us do that day and what other chores he would decide to pile on. I loved how he didn't just tell us what to do, he would do it with us, teach us how to do it and take the time out of his day to show us. I loved getting to sit out with him on the front porch or the deck and just look out at nature and him always say how pretty it was and how blessed we are to live in such a beautiful place, to treasure the beauty of the earth. I could hear his laugh constantly in my mind anytime someone would say something that dad would laugh at or I would watch a movie that he would think was funny or even when I would do something that I know dad would have gotten a kick out of. I can hear him singing all the time especially in his wonderful Frank Sinatra voice and especially around christmas time. I remember going out the day after Thanksgiving getting to pick out our Christmas tree and one for grandma and getting to help cut it down and drag it back to the vehicle. I remember all those long drives dad took me on to help me get my drivers license, and the things he would tell me about becoming a respectable young lady and to always make him and God proud and the advice he would give me about boys and what I needed to do better in sports. So many things would keep me awake at night trying to preserve everything I had of my father. I remember him calling me early in the morning when I was away at calling just to tell me to go mow a lawn or the he was eating a bowl of raspberries and milk or peaches and milk or even to call me and tell me he was eating my favorite ice cream. I remember all the times he would sit the family down to give us a talk or have a discussion at the kitchen table.
Being that I was away at school with no car I didn't get to go home and see him much so phone calls had to do it for the time being which never seemed like enough to me. In July 2013 dad had a major stroke, I got the call while helping my boss move and she instantly knew something wasn't right. That same night I was scheduled to get my patriarchal blessing. I showed up crying and left crying, that poor patriarch had never seen anything like it before. Still to this day I'm so grateful I had the amazing boss I did that was so understanding and let me take the weekends off work to go be with my family. That weekend my brother in-law and I drove all through the night to get to the hospital and the family. I had the hardest time going into the hospital room the first time, I didn't want to see my dad hurting and in pain. We spent a week or two there before going to Cokeville to take care of things there. I had to look at pictures of my happy fun-loving dad all the time so that that was how I would remember him. It seemed like there were people that had given up on him so early when I couldn't do that to the only man that always no matter what had faith and believed in me.
I did have to go back to work and school but every weekend I got the chance to go home I did, having a sister and brother in-law move up by me helped a ton cause then we could go down together and had each other to help through this time. There were a couple weekend where we rushed home because they told us dad wasn't going to make it so we would pack our bags in a hurry, get everything taken care of with us and then get on the road as soon as possible. Then in November 2013 one weekend we got the call again saying they were sure he wasn't going to make it. We got on the road as fast as we possibly could. About Kemmerer we got the call saying he had passed, we didn't make it back in time.
Every one always tells you how the death of a loved one gets easier with time and I am here to tell you that is a bunch of crap!!! It doesn't get easier, you just learn to live, to put a smile on your face and be happy because thats what your loved one would want. I hate it when people tell me that he is in a better place. Yeah he is with God but you can't honestly tell me that he wouldn't rather be with his family, his posterity watching their sports games, seeing their job success, and watching the family grow, welcoming babies and new in-laws and what not into the family. Yes I know he had lots a questions for God and what not but I still think he would love to be here physically with his family. Like I said it never gets easier you just learn how to make life go on, you'll have those days where it doesn't fair or right that he had to go so soon and so quick which it wasn't but you keep going and pushing on knowing that he wouldn't want you crying and moping around, that he would want you to get on with your life and be happy. Dad was always about the little things in life and I think he helped us all see how important those are. He had a contagious smile, laughter and personality, he could talk to anybody about anything.
There are so many lessons, memories, and thoughts I could share about my wonderful father but the post would never end. I just want to remind everyone that its okay to cry and share how you feel. It's okay to let people be and not always have to be on there case. Everyone grieves differently and at a different pace. Please let them do so without having to jump in and try to save the day or fix anything. Everyone has their own relationship with the deceased one they love and things might take one person longer than another so just be mindful that we are each are own person, we feel and think things differently, give everyone the space and time they need.
I couldn't be more grateful to all the wonderful people that helped my family in this time of need and I will never be able to fully express my gratitude to you all but I do want to say THANK YOU! You made a difference and for that we are extremely grateful, we may not be great at showing it but I can promise you all we thinking about how you all helped daily and how much it means to us, we will never forget it.
Losing loved ones is never easy, for me the last 2.5 years have been a major struggle with this. In June 2012 I placed my son for open adoption with a wonderful family in New Mexico. Placing him was hard enough but even more so knowing I wouldn't get to see him all the time. Thankfully they send me pictures and updates on him regularly. Then in November 2012 my world was turned upside down when just after getting home from Thanksgiving break I was informed that my dad had Stage 3 Lung Cancer. I went through the whole range of emotions, shock, denial, anger and acceptance but each stage was honestly terrible. My dad was the parent that knew everything about me, he could tell you my favorite things, my first boyfriend, the first boy to kiss me or take me on a date, he was always there supporting me and keeping me in line. Anytime I had a question it was to dad that I ran whether it was regarding boys, school, church, sports, or even all that wonderful female stuff. My dad was my rock! When I first got the message I instantly started bawling, I felt like someone had just dropped the empire state building on me, I couldn't breath, couldn't see, couldn't think, I was frozen. The doctors had given my dad a year to live. All I could think about was all the stories and advice he had given us. Night after night I would stay awake reliving everything my dad had ever said to us kids, thinking about all our fun trips together, him disciplining us always saying how it hurt him more than us and laughing thinking yeah right.
My mind was over flowing with memories made with him swimming at state wrestling, skiing with him, telling us stories about his life, watching him so faithfully take care of his dad, seeing the smile that would spread across his face each time a child that didn't live at home would take time out of their schedule to come visit and him always saying before we would leave how much he appreciated us coming to see him taking time to be a part of his posterity and what not. I remember all those Sunday afternoons playing outside on the basketball hoop, jump roping, eating chocolate pudding, and many others. I think of all our family reunions dad playing games like Sardines, Kick the Can, Hide and Seek and many others, I remember him standing around the fire talking to his posterity, his amazing dutch oven chicken. I think of how he always had one of the grandbabies on his lap or in his arms, watching him mow the lawn with the little ones even Ammon on his shoulders or helping push the mower until they feel asleep and then him just holding them while finishing up. I can't thank my dad enough for teaching me to work and love the outdoors. Every time spring/summer shows up I think of all the lawn work and gardening that dad was going to make us do that day and what other chores he would decide to pile on. I loved how he didn't just tell us what to do, he would do it with us, teach us how to do it and take the time out of his day to show us. I loved getting to sit out with him on the front porch or the deck and just look out at nature and him always say how pretty it was and how blessed we are to live in such a beautiful place, to treasure the beauty of the earth. I could hear his laugh constantly in my mind anytime someone would say something that dad would laugh at or I would watch a movie that he would think was funny or even when I would do something that I know dad would have gotten a kick out of. I can hear him singing all the time especially in his wonderful Frank Sinatra voice and especially around christmas time. I remember going out the day after Thanksgiving getting to pick out our Christmas tree and one for grandma and getting to help cut it down and drag it back to the vehicle. I remember all those long drives dad took me on to help me get my drivers license, and the things he would tell me about becoming a respectable young lady and to always make him and God proud and the advice he would give me about boys and what I needed to do better in sports. So many things would keep me awake at night trying to preserve everything I had of my father. I remember him calling me early in the morning when I was away at calling just to tell me to go mow a lawn or the he was eating a bowl of raspberries and milk or peaches and milk or even to call me and tell me he was eating my favorite ice cream. I remember all the times he would sit the family down to give us a talk or have a discussion at the kitchen table.
Being that I was away at school with no car I didn't get to go home and see him much so phone calls had to do it for the time being which never seemed like enough to me. In July 2013 dad had a major stroke, I got the call while helping my boss move and she instantly knew something wasn't right. That same night I was scheduled to get my patriarchal blessing. I showed up crying and left crying, that poor patriarch had never seen anything like it before. Still to this day I'm so grateful I had the amazing boss I did that was so understanding and let me take the weekends off work to go be with my family. That weekend my brother in-law and I drove all through the night to get to the hospital and the family. I had the hardest time going into the hospital room the first time, I didn't want to see my dad hurting and in pain. We spent a week or two there before going to Cokeville to take care of things there. I had to look at pictures of my happy fun-loving dad all the time so that that was how I would remember him. It seemed like there were people that had given up on him so early when I couldn't do that to the only man that always no matter what had faith and believed in me.
I did have to go back to work and school but every weekend I got the chance to go home I did, having a sister and brother in-law move up by me helped a ton cause then we could go down together and had each other to help through this time. There were a couple weekend where we rushed home because they told us dad wasn't going to make it so we would pack our bags in a hurry, get everything taken care of with us and then get on the road as soon as possible. Then in November 2013 one weekend we got the call again saying they were sure he wasn't going to make it. We got on the road as fast as we possibly could. About Kemmerer we got the call saying he had passed, we didn't make it back in time.
Every one always tells you how the death of a loved one gets easier with time and I am here to tell you that is a bunch of crap!!! It doesn't get easier, you just learn to live, to put a smile on your face and be happy because thats what your loved one would want. I hate it when people tell me that he is in a better place. Yeah he is with God but you can't honestly tell me that he wouldn't rather be with his family, his posterity watching their sports games, seeing their job success, and watching the family grow, welcoming babies and new in-laws and what not into the family. Yes I know he had lots a questions for God and what not but I still think he would love to be here physically with his family. Like I said it never gets easier you just learn how to make life go on, you'll have those days where it doesn't fair or right that he had to go so soon and so quick which it wasn't but you keep going and pushing on knowing that he wouldn't want you crying and moping around, that he would want you to get on with your life and be happy. Dad was always about the little things in life and I think he helped us all see how important those are. He had a contagious smile, laughter and personality, he could talk to anybody about anything.
I couldn't be more grateful to all the wonderful people that helped my family in this time of need and I will never be able to fully express my gratitude to you all but I do want to say THANK YOU! You made a difference and for that we are extremely grateful, we may not be great at showing it but I can promise you all we thinking about how you all helped daily and how much it means to us, we will never forget it.
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